Following are some of the reasons that I may have chosen NOT to follow you on Twitter.
The first reason has little merit other than it genuinely annoys me… personal problem I know, but what the heck, it is my account right! Anyone who talks about themselves in the third person automatically drops in my estimation. Unless you are Barney Stinson and/or Dennis Quaid, you will not pull it off AT ALL…STOP DOING IT!
Next on the chopping block is anyone who discusses their love of the Lord, or quotes the bible in any way shape or form. Why oh why would you have followed me in the first place? If you have read any of my work, you would see rather quickly that I am not in least bit religious. In fact most of what I write gets right in the face of several of the commandments. Look I’m all for people believing in whatever they want to believe in… I have my own beliefs too. I just happen to think that they should probably be kept private. If you state right up front that you are (insert religion here) take this as my personal guarantee that I will not follow you. Presumably we will both be better off for it, so please see it for what it is.
If you are promoting a book, why would you choose another author to promote it through? I mean I get wanting to network, maybe have some nice conversations with people that you have something in common, maybe discuss different writing styles, problems, share solutions and so forth. But if you are actively trying to SELL me your book, please assume that I won’t buy it… I’ve got my own work to sell and I can only assume that you don’t have the time nor the interest in buying mine either.
Finally (well for now anyway) it would appear that there are many “best spouse in the world” out there. And if you claim to be married to one of them AND you are a writer, please explain to me (actually, no in fact, don’t bother) why you would include any information about how you have the best wife/husband/boyfriend/fiancee in the whole darn world? WHAT THE HELL does that have to do with your writing. Furthermore it makes me feel rather strongly that you are riddled with guilt and are sucking up, (and please please please keep it to yourself) who knows maybe you’re cheating and are going a little far out of your way… remember “Me doth thinks you protest too much”. Or perhaps you’re partner is actually such an insecure dick that requires this level of stroking or you fear he/she/it may wither without it. Regardless of the reason, I can’t imagine why you would make such an unlikely claim. Save if for your book dedication and don’t forget to include the words “…in my opinion.”
So if your bio reads something like this “Bob is the AUTHOR of ‘Why My Wife is the Greatest in the World’ He travels with God’s hand on his shoulder and will be visiting a town near you soon!” You can pretty much assume I will not follow you.
And what is it that makes me so special that I am able to make these judgements on others you ask? Well, with the support of the Lord and the greatest guy a girl could ever ask for! Of course! PS Buy my book! 😉 Right okay, so that’s not it and the real reason is… well I just don’t have one so clearly I’m just judgmental and vocal about it 🙂