Bourbon and Cigs are always the first clue

It is entirely possible you’ve heard this refrain in the past.  It is even more than possible that you’ve heard it from me, but I hope you’ll stick it out and hear this again.

Karma is a BITCH! A great big, long, long red fingernail sporting, cigarette smoking, bourbon swilling broad that is definitely not the kind of girls that boys bring home to Muthah!

AND I LOVE HER! She keeps me in check.

Being the sass mouth that I am, I am generally quite quick to pick on a minor issue until at the very least I get a laugh. Often it is not nice and often it is at someone else’s expense. So as you can clearly see, I too can sometimes be a bitch.

So here’s how it played out on one particular morning.

The scene is set at the grocery store, specifically at the fish counter selecting ingredients for a seafood stew for that night’s dinner.

“I’ll have 8 or so scallops, a bag of mussels and 12 or 15 shrimp please.”

“No prob.  Having a good day so far? Looks like you’re gonna have a real nice dinner. I can tell you eat healthy. I really admire that!”

It’s always the same fish counter lady, and she is always, always, this pleasant. She remembers me. She calls me honey. She compliments my appearance. She makes small talk but never in an intrusive or time consuming way. In short, she is a lovely person. ALWAYS.

“Oh yeah, I just remembered squid… do you have any squid today?” I add.

“I do! It’s fresh. I just thawed it!”

I thank her and carry on with my shopping, laughing to myself the entire time. I keep repeating her last sentence in my head over and again. I’m sure I am actually saying it aloud, shaking my head and laughing. I am also sure the other shoppers think I’m nuts.

I get into the rather longer than normal check out line and with my usual snarky attitude decide to tweet what she had said. It made me laugh and so I hoped that it might make others laugh as well.

At this point I start to get the unmistakable whiff of ciggies and bourbon.

The check out clerk is brand spanking new… nice enough… but really has no clue what she’s doing… long and short of it is that she finishes ringing up my purchases to a grand total of $394.76!

“Uh. No. I’m going to have to see the bill. There is NO WAY I’ve spent that much in here.”

I won’t give you all the back and forthing after she insisted that I couldn’t see it until I had paid it, but I held my ground and a supervisor appeared.

Problem discovered. She had charged one of the higher priced items NINE times.

“Okay so now you just pay the bill and go over to the other counter and they will resolve the issue.”

“Um. No. Resolve the problem here and I will pay the correct amount.” I state as calmly as possible. The reek of bourbon really starting to bug me now.

“Lady… come on! I’ve got kids lunch to get to!” Shrieks the harried woman in line behind me.

As I mentally prepared my long list of possible caustic comebacks, I felt a firm, long taloned finger tapping me on the shoulder. I look cautiously over my shoulder to a long stream of smoke being blown straight in my face.

“I’m sorry for the hold up… I really am.” I shrug sheepishly and promise myself to think up something really nice to say to the fish counter lady next time.


About Stacia

Follow me on Twitter at @staciaEcarlton
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.